Wednesday, September 6, 2017

It's been a day.

Hey all, it’s been a little while! 

First of all, I have to give props to full-time bloggers; this is WORK, y’all. It’s not easy to sit down (especially with a little one rolling around everywhere) and bump out a blog post. So, if you’re reading this and you’re a blogger, YOU GO, FRIEND. 

We got back on Saturday from a week in the Outer Banks, my all-time favorite place to veg out for a week and just relax and unwind. I had a massive to-do list before we left (which included editing photos from an entire wedding), but I needed the break. Full-time momming has proven itself to be a serious challenge for me lately, as we have a teething, non-napping goober on our hands, plus a needy pup who has yet to warm up to poor Oaklyn (who totally loves her). 

I had plans to post a few blog posts over the last 2 weeks, and every time I went to sit down and write them, I’d have to change a diaper or comfort a screaming baby, and the days turned in to weeks, and the rest is history.

But you know what? Today I had a pretty rough day, and I decided to take 20 minutes to hand the baby to my husband and sit down to process it all. 

We all have those days, right?

It’s rainy and gloomy outside, which automatically switches me into a very impatient and irritable version of myself. Then between getting myself ready, getting Oaklyn ready, and trying to care for the dog this morning, I managed to be late getting out the door to my FIRST day of the Mom’s Group I joined at our church. Talk about a great first day impression, right? 

I came home after lunch with a long list of things I needed to do, which included going back out to the store (in the now pouring rain) to get dog food, which could have been done had I just finished my to-do list yesterday. And let me tell you, I still haven’t finished yesterday’s list. So, after an incredibly short nap, we headed out to attempt to tackle the errands.

Oaklyn screamed. She screamed all the way to the gas station, she screamed all the way to the store, she screamed in the store, and then she screamed for the 30 minutes I tried to get her to nap when we got home. Nothing was cutting it. We were both miserable, and in that moment I found myself wondering why I had to have moments like this on already gloomy days such as this one. 

Then the email came. In the midst of the screaming and tears (some of which were my own), I got an email back that I had waited for what felt like an eternity for - only this one wasn’t good news. I hadn’t gotten the job that I really hoped to get, and it just felt like another kick in the gut. I had felt so excited about having something that was mine. It's hard when you're a mom to find something that's just yours. Your life revolves around your child, and it's easy to let days (or lets be honest, weeks) go by before you realize you haven't washed your hair, your nails are chipped, and the book you planned to read during nap times is now collecting dust on the shelf. We all need a thing. And in my mind, this job was it

 I felt like I literally couldn't catch a break. Why do the worst things come when it’s raining? As if the rain doesn’t bring us down enough? Or do the things that happen on rainy days just feel that much worse? Who knows. 

But it’s so funny how as a mother, those moments melt away as soon as your child calms and smiles and coos at you. She nursed, napped on my chest, and woke top an hour later a whole new baby. I forgot how miserable and excruciating the last 3 hours had been. I didn’t care about the job anymore. I remembered my purpose. Life was fine, and my earlier meltdown seemed so unnecessary. 

She looked up and smiled at me like she knew I needed it. And sometimes, that’s all we need to remind us that we’re enough, that we were chosen to be our children’s parents for a reason, and that we’re doing okay.

And how can you really stay frustrated when you’re looking at this? 


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